AFAO Issue 5
DEATH FROM ABOVE IT HAPPENED IN ASIA... COULD WE BE NEXT? Historians have lied to us for decades. The "European influ- enza" actually originated in East- ern Russia. but is was not the flu; it was an otherworldly attack that has come to be known as "The Tunguska Event." Under- ground accounts of the episode have filtered through time and we at the Alliance are here to give you the straight dope... ...A UFO CRUSHED THOUSANDS OF ACRES We estimate that almost thirty years ago, an unidentified space- craft crash-landed in the furthest reaches of Siberia, destroying ev- erything in its path. Shock waves of toxic gas and unearthly debris emanated across the landscape, enabling the ship's alien pilots to survive in our atmosphere and begin their reign of terror. THEY NEED TO GO HOME NOW! Could another Tunguska oc- cur in the U.S.A.? Will it hap- pen in an Iowa cornfield? Or a Colorado mountainside? What if they stomp out New York City with their next giant footprint? None of these options are accept- able. LOOK TO THE STARS. There's a lot going on in our night sky, but are we missing any telltale signs of the next invasion? Several of our Alli- ance members on the east coast reported a strange, green iri- descence lingering in the strato- sphere last week. The office of Perception, Protection and Guidance assures us that it was just a meteor shower, but we've learned not to trust those anti- American snakes. So, where is that illumination coming from? Just what is that eerie glow? AND HOW DO WE GET RID OF IT? Bust out your telescope (or borrow your kid's) and keep watching the skies for anything suspicious. Phenomena to watch out for include, but are not lim- ited to, the following: Aurora Borealis (the northern lghts) Shooting and/or falling stars Weather fronts of any kind It's time to face facts: the op- tions listed above could be mask- ing a possible foreign offensive aimed at American soil. Our en- emy hides behind clouds, amidst rainshowers, even in swamp fog, and they're ready to strike at a moment's notice. And the worst part is... ...THEY MIGHT ALREADY WALKING AMONG US! That's right - in addition to wiping out Europe, the aliens have adapted to our way of life and their cellular structures have assimilated and co-min- gled with human DNA. But, we are just the latest species to fall victim to their vicious assault. Scientists have found disturb- ing specimens of these monsters with trace amounts of feline, canine, even reptilian strains muddled in with their extrater- restrial tissue. KILL THEM ALL BEFORE THEY LAND ON TOP OF US. The Tunguska event has eradi- cated all humanity from two con- tinents already - and they won't stop there. They have probably already plotted out their attack on North America; it's only a matter of time now. PROJECT ABRAHAM STRIKES AGAIN Glenn Khaner is no more. Lieutenant Khaner was noth- ing if not dutiful. True to his country and his loved-ones, Glenn was a man of honor, a man of respect and a man of his word. The same cannot be said of the Alaskan death squad who tortured and killed him. The cowards at PA snuffed him out. The future looked bright for this 22-year-old soldier. He had the proper schooling, a can-do attitude and a loving family back home. But now, he's six feet un- der with trace amounts of poison in his corpse. Officer training school couldn't have prepared him for the horrors of Project Abraham... ...Because Project Abraham is an abomination! PRESERVE OUR LIBERTY Free Maury Welkers! Last week one of our most tenacious organizers, Maury P. Welkers, was imprisoned for exercising his God-given rights. Maury took to the streets of Downtown Poughkeepsie chant- ing his familiar restrain: "GET YOUR FREEDOM GET YOUR GUNS!" Not only was he demonstrat- ing the inalienable American ideal of free speech, but he was also making a point about the 2nd amendment. "If they want my rifle, they can shoot it out from my hands!" Maury's pro- test was in response to the fed- eral government's latest attempt to limit our right to bear arms. They want to catalogue every individual gun-owner so that they can keep tabs on us and throw us all in jail, like they did to the esteemed Mr. Welkers If It Can Happen To Maury, Then Who's Next? This is hard proof that the Bill of Rights no longer holds water. They can seize your belongings whenever, wherever, and how- ever they see fit. Well, we at the Alliance say that guns are made for shooting, so if the goon squads come grabbing at your rifle, show them how it works! FIRST LADY OF SURRENDER Roosevelt Appeases Foreign Enemies Even after the death of her husband, former first lady El- eanor Roosevelt continues her attempts to make nice with our adversaries. She wanted to form a united league of countries be- fore her husband was defeated by Grace in the 1940 presidential election. And her latest stunt: appeasing the monsters who are currently ravaging Europe. "We need to talk to European lead- ers to find out how we can help," Roosevelt quoted as saying. She still believes in the lie that an influenza has swept across the continent, but we know bet- ter - Europe has been overrun by aliens. America doesn't befriend hostile aliens, Ms. Roosevelt. Though we at the Alliance dis- agreed with FDR and his policies, we respect his service to Ameri- ca and mourn his loss. There's no doubt that our nation would have been much better off with him in the oval office rather than Two-Face Grace. But Roosevelt's era has passed and we have a tough future ahead of us. Now is not the time for delicacy - we face complete and total destruc- tion and we need to act accord- ingly. Spare creatures cannot be reasoned with, bargained with, nor talked to in a rational man- ner. They can only be obliter- ated, and we aim to do so. If you don't plan on helping us, then get out of our way. With all due respect El- eanor Roosevelt, she does not represent the average American citizen who wants to keep our na- tion safe. Neither does President Grace, for that matter, there is no flu; the Alliance knows what's really happening and we know how to stop it - with massive guns, and lots of them. So, get ready to mow down the scourge that wiped out Russia. No more talk -'' ''MOBILIZE NOW! NETWORK OF HEROES Uncovering the truth about Tunguska was no easy task. That's why we heartily thank the vigilante Alliance mem- bers who submitted informa- tion to our tip box. We can't keep America safe without the efforts of die-hard patri- ots such as Michael Hocking, Robby Stevens, Aaron Orians, Tony Pastore, and Rachel. But, our mission has only just begun. What other se- crets are hiding under the slick veneer of our national politics? It's your job to keep those fat cats honest - and that's asking a lot, we know. If you find any documents with a "Controlled" stamp, deposit them in our tip box immediately. You've done it before and you can do it again. So, keep up the good work and remember... What happened in Russia must never happen here! Category:America First America Only